What Makes Them so Super?

Carson Tucker
Beta Upsilon Chi

This Sunday is the big day. We have been at the edge of our seats all season waiting for the big showdown in Indianapolis. That’s right; it’s time for the 46th installment of the Super Bowl. We average Joes may find ourselves wondering just what it takes for these players and teams to get in peak physical condition, play at the top of their game and make it to sport’s highest stage. I have taken it upon myself to find out exactly what makes a Super Bowl caliber team, and I have done it from a lifetime of watching sports movie clichés.

First and foremost, a championship team cannot start off as a championship team. The more misfits the better, that’s what I (or Disney) likes to say! Preferably there has to be at least one player who has never played football before in his life. These are traditionally soccer players turned kicker, Sumo wrestlers turned offensive lineman, or felons turned receivers, which happens to be the Cincinnati Bengals’ strategy. There are players from all walks of life who don’t necessarily get along with each other. Think of it this way, without a heated confrontation, nobody could be put in their place or learn to grow. Would anyone really remember the Titans if Gerry and Julius got along the whole time? Remember, teams that bicker together, win together.

Next, it is imperative that the coach has taken a good deal of public speaking classes. You will never see a halftime speech filled with “ums” “ers” or “hmms.” I’m convinced that the Miracle speech could make grass cut a lawnmower. These coaches don’t have to be outspoken, friendly or even smart, but somehow they can pull a Gettysburg Address out of their sleeve in no time flat capable of beating a team of Mon-stars. Also, these coaches need to realize that one of their players is a loose cannon, itching to call his own shots. As sure as they are about themselves, coaches have to be aware that playmakers make plays, and that’s all there is to it.

If a team conserves its energy in the first half, they will be in prime position to explode in the second. I don’t think there has ever been one movie where the winning team didn’t go into halftime losing, or even close. This makes sense; last-second heroics would be obsolete if players tired themselves out with trivial things like first downs early on.

There you have it, a complete step by step guide to crafting a championship team. If any owners get ahold of this article, please show it to Jerry Jones - I would be much appreciative. Whichever team ends up winning come Sunday, try to notice the little things that connect this article to what is happening on the field. Perhaps Tom Brady will enter the game after halftime on a fan boat, or maybe Eli Manning will look for a golden retriever streaking up the middle. I’m no expert, but it worked for the Waterboy and Air Bud.  

Carson is a sophomore studying education. You may contact him at carsontucker@mail.utexas.edu.