Turn That S*@# Down!

Matt Copeland
Tau Kappa Epsilon

It’s Thursday night and your feet have led you to an aggravatingly crowded Park Street like they have the last 27 Thursdays. Everyone goes there so if you aren’t seen having a good time, you might as well kiss that grab-a-date invitation you have been scheming for goodbye. As you utter the passphrase that gets you in without paying cover and saunter into the complex, your nose is immediately blasted with the stench of cheap perfume and bottom-shelf liquor. Images of uncoordinated stanky legs and elbow slappin’ flash across your eyes. Hundreds of hot, squishy, sweaty bodies rake across your skin. The warm flavor of a Natural Light that you smuggled onto the bus lingers on your tongue. Then maybe the least notable of attacks on your senses is the studio manufactured, mainstream “music” that is pumped into your ears. Like usual, it is the most miniscule thing that sticks out to me and bothers me to no end.

It should come to no shock to you that I cannot stand the typical garbage being played today. This is coming from the kid that does not own a single Apple product, including an iPod. To me, popularity is a farce. I judge things based on their actually merit rather than what Johnny Amazing tells me on TV. Music is quite possibly the biggest example of a turd being passed off as a gold doubloon. Before we delve too deep into this subject let me list some of my favorite musicians so you can get that “well who the heck do you think is good, ya jerk!?” question out of your head. The Foo Fighters, Muse, The Killers, and Blink-182 are a few towards the top of my list. Sue me, but I think an artist should be able to produce the same sound live that they are sending out over the airwaves.

I have an inherent problem with mainstream Rap and Hip-Hop. Just because Rihanna has a decent voice doesn’t mean I can stand hearing her sing about an umbrella, ella, ella. Finding someone in this genre with actual vocal talent is hard, but finding someone that can sing AND write songs is just about impossible. Jay-Z and Kanye did it when they watched that throne and received their deserved credit, but who do we have to compare them against? Drake was appropriately referred to as “Canada Dry” by Common during their fake hissy fit most likely intended to drum up publicity. Do people forget that Drake was an impotent Canadian high schooler on the show "Degrassi?" The revolving door that is the pop and hip-hop industry will sign just about anyone. If you needed anymore proof that anyone that can come up with catchy one-liner gets a contract and an album on iTunes, go search for Tity Boi, lest we forget Soulja Boy.

“Bleep bloop blorp eeeeeeeeeeooooooeeeeee BOOOOOOOM.” Oh excuse me I was just singing that new dub step song. People, people, people… this is music? I went and saw Skrillex when he came to the Mansion last year and yea I will admit that it was a decently fun experience, but have you ever sat down and just listened to it in your headphones? You probably haven’t because it’s basically cyanide for your eardrums. I don’t mean to take a deuce on all of house music, but let’s be honest guys; this is a fad. If disco died, so will dub step.

I am often confused when I hear people hating on older music. I don’t understand how anyone that owns a Ke$ha CD could possibly cringe when Tom Petty or Jimi Hendrix comes on. Partying, girls, and being overall awesome are some pretty common themes for these guys, which is basically all you will hear at the clubs nowadays, but for some reason people look back at the mavericks of living the hard rock lifestyle and call them stale. You think any of today’s pop singers that talk about how hard they are and how much they rage could drink The Man in Black under the table? He freakin shot a man in Reno just to watch him die! Today’s singers are soft! I would trade a million Lady GaGas to get a Freddie or a Jimi back just so they could show these whippersnappers a thing or two about being a badass. The Maroon 5 chick/dude says it has moves like Jagger and I say it has moves like an intoxicated toddler.

I think there are good musicians for every genre so I’m not just trying to say that since I lean more towards rock and roll that that’s all there is out there. As amazing as the Red Hot Chili Peppers are, it could be conceivable that they’re not really your top pick. I would just hope you wouldn’t say that and then run out and download the new Flo Rida single. I always considered Blink-182 as the "Boy Meets World" of music for our generation. They were what we needed to hear at the time they were singing it (speaking of Tom Delonge, have you listened to Love II yet? You’ll need to smoke a cigarette afterwards) and they grew up with us. My views on music might not be the most popular, but when we look back and say N’Sync was the best group for the past 15 years then I’d say we have a problem. I guess what I am trying to convey is that it’s time to admit that most of what’s on the radio, and every single thing on MTV, is crap and it’s time to start appreciating people that can actually melt your face or your heart rather than folk who are only good for background noise on a drunken night out.

Matt is a senior studying microbiology. You may contact him at Copeland.208@buckeyemail.osu.edu.