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March 22, 2012
Let Me Down Easy
When it comes to letting someone down or breaking up, it is much easier said than done. It either comes out wrong so you sound like an ass, or you are too nice and they don't get the point. There is always that awkward line, “It's not you, it's me,” when clearly it really was you, or the “can we still be friends?” Both lines are way overused and out-dated. So here are some new break-up, let down, or turn off lines that I find to be particularly comical. Firing Someone From work: • Here's a box for your things. • Good news! At least you get to file for unemployment. • You will be missed. • We'll both be happier when you're free to pursue your other dreams and interests. • We don't think of it as downsizing but rightsizing. • It's simple, you didn't participate in Secret Santa. • We've found a machine that can do a better job than you. I Quit: • I believe you deserve someone who's 100 percent committed. I'm willing to do a solid 65 percent. • I was meant for bigger things. • I never meant to stay here this long anyway. • I just keep wondering, “What's it all been for?" • My whole resume was a lie. • To be truthful, I quit this job six months ago. I just come in and sit at my desk to get checks. • I've made my last pot of coffee.
Crushing Dreams - Schools • 4.0 is simply not good enough here • You might want to try community college before the big leagues. • We have already filled our quota for people like you. Job Seekers • Your Myspace page indicates you are not ready for a real job yet. • Your background check was less then pleasing. Ending a Romance - After someone tries a pick-up line • Yes, I do come here often... but that's about to change. • I'm not here to meet anyone. • You hit on me last night. Dumping a Date • You're just too nice. • I'd only be going out with you to make my ex jealous. • There's a slim possibility we are related . • My beer goggles wore off. • Aren't you gay? Breaking Up • I've grown too far beyond you. • I need to discover who I am, with other people. • I can't forgive myself for cheating. • You're more in love with me than I'm in love with you. • My mother told me I deserve better. • It was fun when I was drinking. • You were thin when we met. • Think of it as a get out of jail free card. Rejecting a proposal • I'm not pregnant. • I'm happy the way things are. Let's not ruin them. • I don't see us growing old together.
Sidney is a sophomore studying nursing and English. You may contact her at sidney-hargraves@uiowa.edu
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