Break in Sight

Mitch Grant
Sigma Phi Epsilon

Over the course of the last couple of weeks, professors and TAs alike have found a way to schedule every and any quiz, test, paper, etc. right before we all leave for break. They have somehow (almost scientifically) found a way to try and crush the pre-spring break excitement by making sure they put you through a little more torture before you head on your flight to (insert tropical paradise here). But, no matter how bad they try and break your will, you come to two possible conclusions. You either: A) study your butt off and head into a week of madness knowing you’re in good academic standing when you get back, or B) you put the blinders on and only see the future filled with beaches and booze and stumble your way into your exams with the mindset of “rolling the dice and praying to God I get lucky.” The second option is the worst because the entire week your sole purpose when drinking will be to forget that you even are a student who takes tests. Nonetheless, the end is in sight.

You may have four tests in three days; or a paper due, a presentation to give, and a midterm all in one day. Just get it over with. Pick one of the two options above and just coast into the break. There’s a beach in Florida somewhere with your name on it and it’s waiting for you. No matter what your schedule looks like before you leave, once you’re on that plane or in that car headed to your destination, these last couple of weeks won’t even come to mind. You have a full 8-9 days to do whatever you’d like with them. Make sure you completely forget what you’re learning and forget about what you have to do when you get back; it’s the responsible thing to do. Just make sure you either sprint as fast as you can to the finish line of these weeks, and then take a nice post-run crawl during your days in paradise.

Here are just a few pointers for your trip:

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Don’t check to see if your teachers posted your grades from the tests you just took, it may ruin your entire week (trust me)

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If you’re as pale as me, SPF 30 is not enough

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If you’re headed to Cabo San Lucas, don’t eat the ground beef from the Mango Deck (I don’t want to get into details)

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Have a good alias ready (Hi, I’m Cliff Stringer)

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Use the rules of Vegas (What Happens Here, Stays Here)

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Don’t get locked up in Mexico (Yo no hablo Español)

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Be “that guy,” no one knows you anyway right?

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Don’t buy any little trinkets from the little Mexican children at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night; they’ll follow you for more money (I still don’t know why they weren’t asleep on a school night)

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And last but not least, “One in four college students has an STD.” –Center for Disease Control (That’ll follow you a lot longer than an 8-year-old Mexican boy trying to sell you useless crap; and I’m not implying anything with this statistic…)

Mitch is a sophomore studying political science. You may contact him at mitch-grant@uiowa.edu.