“When are you going back to school?”

“I’m going home Monday.” I would then stop and correct myself.

“I’m going back to school Monday.”

I never realized the truth in my slip up.

I never thought that I’d be a person with two homes. I have a loving, tight knit family, and home has always been in one place, wherever my family is. It’s odd to think that “home” can be considered a place where your family is not.

In the traditional sense that I grew up with, home is where family is. It is where we put down roots and live with people with love. Since coming to college, I’ve realized home is much more of a feeling than a place.

I’ve realized a place begins to feel like “home” when you become comfortable there. When you have a routine established, when you continually use the same shower in the community bathroom— it starts to feel like you belong there.

For me, having a sense of belonging is the most impactful way to make somewhere feel like home. I feel like I belong with family, therefore that is home. I also feel like I belong at school with my teammates, friends, and classmates, therefore, that is also home.

It doesn’t make much sense to continually say you are going home when in reality you are traveling from one location to another. The feeling of belonging in two places at once does not make it easy to manage the important relationships that are at each location.

I love my family, and enjoy spending time with them. I never realized the dynamic of my first “home” could change so much when I was away. I don’t think my family realized how much I could change from adapting to the dynamic of my new second “home.”

Everyone warned me before coming to college that my relationship with my family would become different. I never thought that could be possible, but it is. When you come home for the first extended period of time, things feel a little bit different than when you left.

There are new experiences that you have navigated on your own, without the help of those who raised you. You have adapted to a new routine that does not include the constant presence of your family.

Coming to college was a culture shock, but going home was one as well.

The hardest part about having “two homes,” one with family and one at college, is how vastly different the two places are. There are bits and pieces of each place that you learn to appreciate. Home-cooked meals cannot be replaced by the dining hall at school, but the freedom to have your own routine without relying on anyone else cannot be replicated at home.

The best way to have two homes work in sync that are completely different from each other, I have found, is to communicate. Although there may not always be a “best time,” it is important to call your parents often, to let them know what’s going on. If they understand what’s going on while your away, chances are, they will be more understanding when you come back.

Having two places to belong is anything but a problem. I feel very fortunate to have two different places where I feel safe. Figuring out how they work together may not be easy at first, but I believe it will pay off in the long run.