Ever since the dawn of man, our species has looked to the sky for answers as to why we are here, what our purpose truly is, what we are tasked to carry out, who or what is really in charge and what happens to those we watch fade into memory. Life is a uniquely chaotic and ever-changing inheritance passed down to us from the incalculable and evolutionarily successful generations before our own, and often it is beautifully tragic. We periodically find ourselves faced with things we do not now, nor ever will, understand. The people we are closest to will all fall over the edge, either prior to or following our own descent. We fear the question of death because the only ones who know what lies on the other side have passed into this realm of uncertainty and cannot inform the living of what awaits us there. This should not be considered a terribly depressing notion to everyone. There is a glimmer of hope within reach of every single one of us during these trials and tribulations. The thoughts that follow the acceptance of a loss of someone near to us are not always comforting, but we can take what we learned from our loved ones and apply those lessons to our everyday lives.

The college community I am a part of has experienced several monumental losses over the course of the past year or so. We are a small campus, and nine times out of 10, everyone knows one another by name. Therefore, when a classmate, a fraternity brother or a sorority sister passes away, the entire student body mourns together. Some are more deeply impacted than others, but everyone at our college has graciously respected the ones who grieve more heavily than the rest. We see men going to classes in ties and blazers in the sweltering heat of late spring, women in dresses trudging along in the cold, and several others carrying tokens of remembrance of those we have lost despite their beliefs in what those badges represent. Grown men are seen with traces of tears wiped away from their eyes, but even those who are not particularly friendly with them on an everyday basis offer words of comfort and recognize that this is by no means a sign of weakness. This is where we have all learned respect for one another, which is one of the most important lessons that can be taught in life.

Once the period of mourning has passed, whether it takes months or even years, we begin to realize that those who have passed away will never truly leave us. It is a cliche concept, I know, but once you experience it you come to realize just how much truth is in that statement. We come together and discuss the impact these people had on our lives and those around us. It is a comforting experience embodied by all, and one non-negative aspect of a loss is that it noticeably brings those affected by it closer together. The group of men in funeral attire lingering on the front porch of a fraternity house sit in silence while those supportive outsiders who come not simply to offer words of comfort, but to be a crutch for us as we remember the ones who are gone from this earth. The delicate silence brings the realization that every fond memory the person etched upon your mind is even clearer than the recollections of events with the people who surround you now. Think about it: can you remember what anyone you are close to at the present time wore on a random Friday night a month ago? Most likely not, but when you think of those you have lost, you can remember just about everything about them during one of the last few times you saw them. You may recall the things they discussed, what they wore, the sound of their laughter, and maybe even the brand name of the cigar they were smoking that night. Whatever energy they exerted during that moment in time lingers within you. It causes your mind to work to retrieve every last detail, and we should take comfort knowing that we captured some of that energy for ourselves. We still use it every now and then when they reenter our thoughts, and sometimes we find ourselves adopting their mannerisms for our own day-to-day activities.

Whatever they left behind is still within us. Even though the energy of their spirit when they were alive was released in a stronger and more apparent form such as a heartbeat, breathing and mobility, our own spirit hungrily gulped down the memory of their interactions with the world around them. Even a photo is enough to cause a stir within our hearts. Those images captured a transfer of their spirit in an infinitesimal amount, but the imprint of their soul causes a feeling within ourselves that is unique to their memory, hence their spirit being momentarily active once more in a single moment in time and space. Those who pass are not gone forever from us; they simply do not reside in a physical body that we can interact with in our realm of existence. You can see these thoughts running through the minds of your fellow mourners and supporters without anyone having to verbalize anything for hours at a time.

There is also a collective questioning that hangs in the air in hushed discussions in the gatherings held prior to laying your friend to rest. Why did they have to depart from us so soon? Some people are angry, others confused, and a majority simply unable to come to terms with the passing. Several people, especially if a death coincided with periods of conflict, may express the notion that the deceased may have been some type of martyr plucked from our troublesome environment by some supernatural entity because of our inability to cooperate. We notice our petty and meaningless disagreements dissolving to nothing. We have been dealt grief as a replacement. It is absolutely all right to experience these emotions, and our campus community has exceptionally handled comforting those who have still yet to come to terms with these thoughts. We are a resilient bunch, and we have been tremendously supportive of our fellow man during their darkest hours.

Some may still be shaking their fists angrily at the sky above them, but too much resentment is not healthy for anyone. The sun does not rain hell fire at us for blocking the rays of light it sends on a 93 million-mile journey to the surface of the earth, only to be halted by us a few feet short of its destination. However, if you spend too much time cursing the sky above you, our star will probably give you melanoma. These things are out of our control now, and always will be. It is less about brooding over precautionary measures we could have taken to buy someone else more time, but more about what we should do in reaction to unexpected catastrophes. Continuing along with fond memories instead of dwelling on what could have been is the only way forward. It is not a respectful gesture to those who are now out of reach to us to hold anger in our hearts for something we have yet to fully comprehend. The support system of our peers is one of the most important things we can have at times like these. Both sides of those affected by death can and will learn much about coping with life’s most difficult obstacles, and attending a college with a close community shows that one person can deeply impact the lives of everyone around them. Going forward, we have learned to appreciate each and every individual because it very well could have been their passing bringing tears to everyone’s tired eyes.

Finally, I would like to personally thank each and every one of you who have been there to pick up the slack in each other’s troubled lives during these events. Without any of the compassion we have seen in light of these tragedies, coping with the darker days would be a strictly vertical uphill battle. Take solace in the fact that those who are shining down upon us now are no doubt proud of how well many of us have selflessly supported each other over the past year. We may now press onward in our journey through life knowing that there will always be people there for us when the clouds burst. Both sides have equally taken away from this series of events the knowledge of how to handle grief within themselves and others. Not very many people gain this experience, which is a cruel blessing and a soft curse that we have had to learn how to manage the aftermath at such a young age. No one wants to have to witness these events at any point in their lives, especially not during their early years. But sometimes the unexpected is irreversible and permanent, and the best way to carry on is to humble ourselves and learn that while we are weighed down in our grief, there is always someone there willing to share the load with us. No one is alone, and the world is not as cruel of a place as it may seem. The sun will rise again tomorrow and for the rest of our days. Although there is one large gaping hole in each of our hearts for an extended period of time, there are always other people willing to help us patch it back up again.

Pressing on into this next year, we can only hope events of this nature do not engulf us again too soon. This force of nature cannot normally be controlled, but maybe the inevitable will hibernate for a while and give us time to doctor our wounds. We have hopefully shut the door on the darkness for the time being, but if it ever seeps through the gaps, we are almost certain that everyone is equipped with a light to fend it off when it rears its ugly head again. When shone together, this collective flame is much more powerful than the sum of its individuals’ incandescence, no matter how fiercely the wind blows against it. Dealing with a monumental loss tends to bring us together again, and stronger than ever before. We can hold our heads high, armed with the reminder that we should not waste our time and energy on anger and spite when disagreements or loss of contact arise, and that cooperation and love for our fellow man should not have to reemerge at the expense of one of our own.